ZOMBIE CIRCUS the novel is finally finished and on sale now. Click the picture below to order one.

You Know You're A Zombie When JOKES

You Know You’re A Zombie When:

1) It’s suddenly easy being GREEN.

2) You start using Envy as an excuse.

3) Your friends tell you to “Break a Leg” but you can’t because it already fell off.

4) You only wish someone would fart in the elevator so you can finally smell something besides yourself.

5) The hooker asks you to leave a tip but you’re embarrassed to admit you actually left the whole thing.

6) Giving someone head takes on a whole new meaning.

7) You’re suddenly more interested in a girls Brains than her Boobs.

8) You’re door to door sales job fails because even the Jehovah’s witnesses won’t answer the door.

9) Your best friends names are UGGRREH and MMUGGRRH

10) Your friends can find you by Following the Yellow maggot Road… Oh, if I only HAD A BRAIN!

11) You trade in your Viagra for Rigor Mortis.

12) You don’t call home to your wife anymore, but now you just show up for the séances.

13) Your wife’s new pet name for you is “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!”

14) You keep thinking the medical Journal of Anatomy is a menu.

15) The only time you see your family is when you’re eating leftovers.

16) Beer actually does “Go Right Through You”

17) You see a pretty girl and your eyes pop out… but then they’re hell to stick back in.

18) You’re friends ask you “How’s Jim” and you respond with “He’s delicious… want some?”

19) You’re in a movie with Tom Savini.

20) You have an uncontrollable urge to write a “Happy Father’s Day” Card to George Romero.

21) You throw your dog a bone and realize your foot’s attached to it.

22) You’re skin is more leathery than your mother-in-law’s, which doesn’t taste as bad as you thought it would.

23) You still brush your teeth after every mean, but now you brush them into a dust-pan and toss them in the rubbish can.

24) Instead of having the urge to soak your feet in hot water after a long day, now you use formaldehyde.

25) Instead of using oil of Oley for your facial you suddenly find yourself having to use BONDO.

Got a funny "You know you're a Zombie When" joke? Leave it on my message board and I'll put it on this page.

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